My mom has changed her tune. She has gone from telling me to adopt a crack baby to talking about this time next year when John and I have a baby.
Yikes.
I reminded her (and my aunt) that they only give this about a 20% chance of working. My aunt replied that the problem with statistics is that humans are not statistics, they're people.
Double yikes.
So... on top of dealing with my own roller coaster of emotions, I suddenly have the weight of familial expectations on my shoulders.
There is a giant part of me that wishes I could have gone through all of this without telling anyone other than a select few friends. I am going to need my own time and space to process things, and I know there will be a lot of people asking questions sooner than I am ready to deal with them. Good or bad news.
Yes, good news will take some time to process because I will still be apprehensive at first. Having miscarried at seven weeks, a first positive test won't feel "safe" to me, yet I know my mom is going to go nutty with excitement should we get a positive result.
It's hard to explain the fit of the shoes you walk in when you do this. Even my husband fully admits he doesn't understand exactly what I am feeling, and he's going through some of it right along with me.
Just gotta keep remembering the only feelings I am responsible for are mine.
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