Percentage Purrception

Percentages are odd creatures.  They’re as black and white as my cute little tuxedo cats, but, like my kitties, sometimes I want to snuggle up and love them and others I want to lock them out of my bedroom and pretend they don’t exist because it’s 2:00 in the morning and they scared me out of a good dream by dashing madcap across my back and onto the nightstand, knocking over a lamp in the process.  But in the morning they’re the same kitties they were at 2:00 in the morning, even if I did look at them completely differently.

Today is the last day of my pre-IVF cycle birth control cycle.  I have been having some spotting, so I checked with the doctor to see what they would consider to be day one of my cycle.  They set up my baseline ultrasound.  So me being me, I immediately went to the internet to see what they look for on this first ultrasound.  The article I read then went on to talk about future ultrasound and the possibility of a cycle getting canceled. 

It said about 10% get canceled.  I freaked.  10%.  That’s a LOT.  Like, one in ten (I know, brilliant).  What if that happens to me?  Do I lose what I’ve paid so far?  How does this work?  I’m still panicking a little, but I know there is nothing I can do until it actually happens.

On the flip side, at our first consult, the doctor told us he gave us about a 20-25% chance of this working.  My reaction?  That’s nothing.  Those odd are awful.  20% is so LOW.  This is never going to happen.

So, in my illogical brain, the thing that is a one in ten chance will definitely happen to me, the thing that is one in five will not.  Makes perfect sense, right?

I guess it all comes down to my always expecting the worst.  I’ve heard a term for this, awfulizing.  If you can imagine the most awful outcome possible and you know you can get through it, it makes things easier.  That’s how my brain really works.  Not as illogical as it seems.  More like… defensive preparation.

All I can do, I guess, is prepare for the worst and hope for the best.  I’d say the percentages of feeling better about all of this will increase exponentially once I sit down on the couch and have a purry little kitty in my lap.